I am filled with sadness and grief…. I am dealing with heartbreak and I thought it would be cathartic and perhaps useful to someone, somewhere if I wrote about it. It’s a devastating experience that’s pushing me to my spiritual limits. So here it goes…
Last Sunday my beloveds and I arrived home safe and sound from our incredible trip to South Africa … only to have one of the most devastating things of my life happen.
We were forced to make the excruciating decision to put our 18-month old Dogue de Bordeux puppy (Boris) to sleep. Here’s the timeline of events…
We landed at JFK airport at 7am on Sunday morning after a full twenty four hours of travel. We arrived in our home at 10am and the phone call came in at 11am. The home based kennel where all three of our dogs were being cared for was on the other end… the owner informed us that Boris was vomiting blood, and should she take him to the Emergency Vet Clinic?

We told her he’d be right there to get them and that WE would bring Boris to the clinic. When we saw Boris we were all shocked, he had lost about ten pounds, was breathing heavy and was despondent… no hello’s, no tail way… nothing.
We rushed him to the Emergency Clinic where they examined him and took X-Rays of this chest and lungs. The Vet asked if he could send the X-Rays to a Radiologist to confirm his diagnosis and of course we said yes!
After about thirty minutes, the Vet told us that Boris had bi-lateral pneumonia and a pulmonary hemorrhage… he was coughing up blood and liquid every few minutes…

I totally lost it… I knew we were going to have to let him go and I wasn’t ready…

Let me tell you a little about my Boris… Boris was the stinkiest, dirtiest, drooliest and droopiest beast you could ever imagine and I LOVED him deeply. Boris pushed my limits of “dirt acceptance” and helped me accept the fact that my home is going to get mud tracks and drool spatter no matter how much I resisted it. He blew my heart right open and now there is a huge hole without him.
I have been sobbing on and off for days since this happened… I keep telling myself that I should stop being so silly… that parents are burying their children and that is far, far worse. I keep trying to “get over it”… and I can’t, not yet.
I keep trying to find the reason why this happened to me… to my sweet Boris… and I can’t.
What could I possibly learn from this devastating sadness?
What is the lesson in this pain?
I found myself getting angry at God and immediately after those thoughts, I felt like a spiritual failure… ME, LISA MARIE SHOULD KNOW BETTER!!! I mean I teach this shit!
And then it began to dawn on me… the lesson is acceptance… even when you don’t want to. No, ESPECIALLY when you don’t want to.
Don’t get me wrong, I am totally pissed that Boris did not live his life to a ripe old age, I am soooo PISSED that the boarding facility didn’t bring him to the Vet sooner and allowed his condition to worsen to the point of no return, and I am PISSED that I didn’t get another day to lay with him, cuddle him and quite frankly have the gift of ranting and raving about what a dirty beast he was!
My spiritual work is to accept and transmute this situation… but at the moment I can help but feel that Boris has been taken – STOLEN from me!
My dear friend Stacey Martino sent me a text yesterday that really helped me. She lovingly told me that “Boris was called home… and that as his Mama I had to be strong and allow him to go back home to Source.” 
(I wept typing Stacey’s words)
I know she’s right and I am working on it… because I know that through acceptance and allowance I will heal.
 Is there a pain or tragedy that you do not accept?
Just something to think about… Here’s a prayer that I wrote based off of one of Marianne Williamson’s prayers to help me heal from this pain. I’ve been lighting a candle on my altar and reciting it every morning and on an as needed basis, I hope it serves you in some way too.

Beloved Heavenly Spirit in whom I lay trust,
Please give me new life…
Fill every cell of my being, transform every thought, cleanse every heartbeat,
That I might be as YOU would have me be.

I do not know why this has happened to me.
I cannot see the lesson or the wisdom in this suffering.
I know my spiritual work is not to question but to accept your will…

Take away the darkness of this pain,
Fill me with your blessings and divine grace.
Help me to heal, accept and overcome the burden of this unbearable sadness…

May I be a vessel of divine light today and everyday,
And so it is.

Rest in peace my beautiful Boris I will miss you and your face for the rest of my life. I look forward to the time when we can be together again…

silver-moon-divider Lisa Grantham


Whether you’re in the dreaming stage or building stage of business, SisterMind walks you though every stage of business
with a step-by-step plan so you can build your dream with confidence, community, accountability, and a sprinkle of magic!

Click the button below if you’re looking for secrets to running an Energized, Highly Profitable, Sacred Online Business!